It’s Britney bitch! 

Yup. It’s almost June. Last entry- MARCH!!!! Aaaaaaah. Yea I suck. LOL           Or perhaps I’ve just had some extremely intense life readjustment peroids. Regardless… I’m back. Maybe just for one day or the next month who knows. 💁🏼

Just a thought I came across in my reading. I think it’s so true.  So I’m sharing. 


And I’m someone☺️💕

 

March 14

How ironic.

Today is Pi day. 

It’s Albert Einstein’s birthday. 

Happy birthday dude🎈🍰Celebrate with some pie!  Or if someone can find these sweet little gems….I’d eat cupcakes too. Fat kid problems. 😜

 

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.”💕

And I’m sick of your tattoos and the way you don’t appreciate Brand New….or Me.

March 13

Here we go. Music taste. Share it.


Favorite band: Brand New 

Favorite album: The Devil and God are raging inside me.

Favorite song: oooooh for this album. Tie between Degausser, Millstone, and Luca. (I have a hard time choosing). However, all time favorite song by them was from their second album Deja Entendu. Song: Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot. 

Have you seen them live: Three concerts. All three I went to them by myself. Enjoyed every second. (Yes I like to concert alone. Weirdo).

Favorite member of the band: I mean duh, Jesse. He’s so babely😍 

How much merch do you own: ha ALOT! 6-7 shirts. All their albums. Insane amount of random pictures and pins. 

Favorite lyrics: Too many.  I know a future tattoo I want is of their lyrics: you’re the smell before rain, you’re the blood in my veins.

Why do you love this band: Uuuuh cuz they are awesome. I have a hard time fathoming someone who has not heard them. Like you are simply not living lol. But in all seriousness, it’s one of those bands that has grown with me. From highschool days. Lying alone pregnant. Finding a first love. Heart ache. And moving on. 

It’s still evolving as much as it did from the start. I can hear a lyric I’ve heard multiple times and find it had new meaning. But most of all the passion Jesse puts into each note. I get it may not be all peoples taste in music, but it’s relatable for me. It makes me feel and that’s what and why I love it. 

March 7th

What is your favorite movie you can watch over and over tirelessly?

JUNO!!!!

I love that movie. I remember it came out around the time that I was pregnant with Adam. She reminded me of myself. Spunky, outspoken, usual. But most of all she was a young person that found herself pregnant at a young age. Her story was comforting in a time when I felt very alone. Like her, I found myself questioning whether it was possible for two people to be in love forever. Like you’ve lost faith in humanity. Her father simply summed it up..


It was then that I realize that the right person won’t give up on you because it’s hard. Maybe I hadn’t found that person during that time…but it encouraged me to not be discouraged. Unconditional love manifest in many different ways. My focus on love was the bond with my child. And that was all the love I needed. 

 

March 6th

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” E.R. 

Today, I went about my usual business and made my way into work. As soon as I walked in the door, I was greeted by unexpected chaos and fellow coworkers in an unpleasant and almost hostile mood. I did my best to continue to carry on my good attitude until one coworker made some rude comments about my physical appearance. I felt myself in utter shock of the comments and brushed it off at first. 
Later, I got to thinking. There’s a lot of things in life that don’t go our way. A bad day at work. Unexpected news. Misfortune. But because we are presented these troubles does it give us the right to pass our frustrations off on another person? To be rude or unkind?
As I think about what occurred, it was honestly the second time at my job were I was nearly brought to tears because of someone else’s unkind words. I chose not to respond rudely back (even though I really wanted to). I realize that there is no excuse for that individuals behavior but I can sympathize that maybe they were having a bad day and for some reason I was the unfortunate individual that got the brunt of it. 
Did I deserve it? Probably not. 
But I realize that persons opinion of me in that moment does not make me inferior to them. I have always shown kindness to them and I will continue to. I am glad now I did not respond in the unkind words that I wanted. I know that regardless of the situation, I’m going to take the higher road and be true to myself. 
  
Sidenote: check out my spirit animal sassy pants. Deer me they give me warm fuzzies☺️💕 

Feb 25

Untitled.

Sometimes things happen to you in life. Sometimes really bad things happen. You feel shamed to discuss them or even judged by some like you were the cause of these bad things even if it really wasn’t your fault. You will come to a crossroad and faced with a choice. Either you can let all these horrible and negative things take hold of you or you can learn to overcome it, try to find some good from it and move on. In my crossroad, I chose the latter of the two outcomes. 

It had been several years since I had thought of these events and the people involved in it. I wish I could say that the thought never crossed my mind of what would I do if I seen them again but it has. I thought I had a pretty well planned out chain of reaction and I would not let it affect me. Besides I had already chose to move on and sort of forget. So when today I was brought face to face with these events again unexpectedly, I found it very difficult to not feel emotion and be brought back to the terrible moment. It instantly changed my mood and I felt I had to just leave where I was to not feel this anymore. I wish I could say that I will never feel this again. But the truth is, it still is apart of who I am. It has shaped me into who I am today. For that, I cannot be upset.
I know this may be a very vague post. I still don’t feel comfortable enough to talk openly about what has happened. But I know I feel comfortable enough to say that being a victim and survivor of a terrible situation can be extremely hard. Unfortunately, no one will experience or understand how it feels unless they have been through it too. I know that there’s a lot of stigma around abusive relationships and mental health issues. I cannot stress enough the importance of building a good support group. Find individuals that are your safe haven and a judgement free zone. 
If counseling helps you, awesome do it! If joining a support group helps, do it! If finding a way to make peace with yourself and the situation through self reflection or mindfulness helps, for gosh sakes do it! Don’t ever feel ashamed for trying to be an advocate for yourself. I’ve found that in those moments when I thought it was more than I can take, someone has either said or done something intentional or unintentional to say, “Hey, I’ve seen your battle and you’re doing great. Because of you I didn’t give up.” Maybe not in those terms exactly but they have expressed it in a way that makes me thankful for how far I’ve come, the constant struggle and the continuing road ahead. 
My goal for the future is to help people who need a helping hand, inspiration and an advocates voice. I know I’m not perfect. Heck far from it! But if I can impact someone else’s life in a positive way; then I feel more that over joyed to know I’ve overcome my own mountain while helping another. 

  

Feb 23

Write about something that worries you. 

Having anxiety I’m sure heightens my worries as it is, however, something that always worries me is losing a relationship or friendship without much explanation. For example: I made a new friend. Had a great connection, hung out and talked to them all the time. Suddenly, something happens without a warning and they don’t call as much or just fall off the face of the earth. I can’t wrap my head around what went wrong. I say this is a worry because it’s happened more than once in my life. I find myself now anticipating when and where the time comes when they decide it’s time to leave. And if they haven’t left after a period of time,  I question them why they are still here. 

It sucks feeling this way. Literally it sucks the joy out of your life. Anxiety at its finest. 

Feb 21

What is your favorite day of the week? Why?

    
Tuesday!!! 

The oddball day of the week. It not like Monday and you’re depressed coming off a weekend. It’s relatively the best day of my week. I’ve had this day off for years. I recently just had to start working Tuesday’s at my new job and I was more heartbroken not being off on a Tuesday more so than a weekend. 

Today: I enjoyed unseasonably beautiful weather for February. I dipped my toes in Lake Michigan and walked around in spring clothes and no shoes.

Amanda runs on large coffee, oldies art murals and big hair….and most all this oddball day. Yay Tuesday😬👍